Chuck Norris Facts Explained

Beds Are For The Weak!

2007-07-19T10:17:00.000-07:00

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

I'm going to have to confirm this as indeed fact. In my home there are no bedrooms. In the Norris clan we call them waiting rooms. No...not like doctor's offices.

The easiest way to explain them is to think about a haunted house. You know that room where there's dots all over with a strobe light going off. There's some guy wearing the same pattern in the corner WAITING to scare you. Yeah - Imagine that but 100 times better and with only the style that Chuck can bring.

Sometimes when I'm feeling the stresses of being Chuck I go and wait, while other weaker Chucks would sleep. Sometimes I leave my mansion unlocked and wait for robbers and other would-be evil-doers come in and surprise them with a nice karate chop!

Remember though - Violence is my last option.

Dear NBC: Cease and desist or I will kill your Peacock

2007-07-13T12:02:00.001-07:00

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

I've got my lawyers all over this. When I first heard of this show back in 1990 I thought wow... how nice of NBC to feature a biography on old Chuckster. Although I did enjoy the episode, I was irate after I kept waiting for a look-a-like to make an appearance and declare that law (my left leg and order (right) had arrived to put things right.

I picked up the phone called my lawyer buddy and that was when the heated legal battle ensued. We sent them a firm worded letter. The gist of which said that they can call the show Chuck Norris' legs or even simply Left and Right, but under no circumstance may they infringe upon the Norris estate and call their program or any sub-program "Law and Order."

I'll keep you posted on any developments- this may take awhile.

Unicorns, Dodo's and BBQ

2007-07-10T11:59:00.000-07:00

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Unicorns and I have never gotten along. This is evident by the fact that there are no unicorns left. It's also true that I've BBQ'd a few dodo's in my day and thus they are also no longer around.

In fact, me and Charles Darwin or as I called him Chucky-D actually had a good fight about his theory. In the end he went with his, but who's still around now Chucky?!

So...as far as the level of thruthiness for this fact, I'd have to say it's pretty dead on. Haha get it?

Man did I give Chucky-D. a whooping.

Tears of joy; my first post

2007-06-26T13:14:00.000-07:00

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris never cries.

Well this is simply not true. I do cry. In fact, I cried this morning when I mistakenly broke my $5,000 oak table, which was hand carved from a single 1,000 year old oak tree.

I was just about to enjoy a hearty 29 oz. steak of delicious Texas black Angus, when I karate chopped my knife through the table!

It's a shame that none of those pesky pharmaceutical companies were around. Maybe they could have gotten my one tears for their crazy experimentations or something.

To add onto that - I now have a really huge steak-stain on my floor. Mabye I'll get one of my KickStart kids to come over and try and get it out.